If you have ever wondered what the great and the good of European and world football get up to when they have nothing much to think about, then wonder no more. They come up with schemes that nobody wants.

Not content with the decision to take the 2022 World Cup to the baking hot Gulf state of Qatar with its population of 2.6 million (most of them living in Doha), they then have another bright idea.

The idea is that the entire continent of North America could just about cope with the 2026 version, which will be extended to 48 countries.

From Edmonton up in Canada through the USA down to Mexico City, the western world will be awash with football and its fans.

It is to be hoped that for the sake of travelling supporters that Donald Trump remembers to leave a few unlocked gates when he builds his wall along the Mexico border.

But it must be a quiet time for Europe’s decision makers – with VAR now a part of everyday football life and tough subjects like racial abuse and spectator unrest on the back burner – there is no better time to turn their attention to the latest Baldrick-style cunning plan.

Target for change this time was the Champions League. Now I have to admit that I have never understood how a team finishing fourth can be classed as champions of anything so why is it a ‘Champions League,’ but that bit of nit-picking is nothing to compare with the UEFA proposal.

The plan was to change the format from eight groups of four to four groups of eight, giving each club 14 games before they even qualify for the seriously interesting part – the kick-out stages.

Even sillier though was the suggestion from ECA (Switzerland-based European Club Association) that entry into the Champions League should not be reward for domestic success (i.e. top four) but determined by historical success, whatever that means.

It sounds like a club has to have won the trophy at least once before to have any chance of winning it again.

Fortunately a meeting of our 20 elite clubs unanimously agreed to tell UEFA and ECA what to do with their idea and the race for third and fourth places in the Premier League goes on as before.

But that is no guarantee that there is not another Baldrick character waiting to pounce.

An old acquaintance from way back has just landed himself the sort of job that is sure to keep him awake at night.

He has been called up to help to save one of the biggest names in rugby union from the unthinkable. Leicester Tigers, ten times English champions, are locked in a relegation dogfight.

*Mike Ford had a 400-game career in rugby league playing for Great Britain, Wigan, Castleford, plus his home town club Oldham as well as a stint in Australia before turning his hand to coaching in the 15-man code.

He cut his coaching teeth at Dukinfield RUFC in front of one man and his dog before making a rapid rise through the ranks via stints with England, Ireland, head coach at Bath and Toulon and finally Germany.

He has been called up to assist Tigers head coach Geordan Murphy and stiffen up a defence that has leaked more points than any other team in the Premiership.

After taking his place in the 21,503 crowd at Welford Road, he must have wondered what he had let himself in for. His first day went rather badly. The Tigers, including Mike’s son George, the regular deputy to England captain Owen Farrell, were thrashed 52-20 by league leaders Exeter Chiefs. That is certainly a defence that needs some stiffening, but if there is any consolation for Mike Ford it is that there are currently two teams even worse than Leicester in the relegation struggle. I wish him well because I can still remember those days of that reluctant canine spectator.

*There will not be a blade of grass out of place. They do not have fans – they have patrons. They have holes with names Magnolia, Azalea and Pink Dogwood. There will be men dressed like an army of painters and decorators in their all while jump suits and green caps.

And there will be an awful lot of talk about green jackets.

It’s that time again when golf has its manicure and the most pampered of sporting occasions hits our screen from Augusta, Georgia.

It is US Masters week.

Can Mr Woods follow the Grand National result and make it a Tiger double? Will Rory McIlroy finally – finally – join the elite and complete the game’s Grand Slam?

Or should we all be cheering on Tommy Fleetwood, who is everybody’s friend and is good enough to prove that good guys aren’t always losers.

It will be a thrilling four days for golf fans - and maybe another win to follow Sergio Garcia - but on the whole I think I prefer the wind and rain and that so out-of-place grass, such as the rough, that will make The Open at Royal Portrush a bit more than target golf.