Ted 2 (2015) (Channel 4, 9.00pm) Premiere

Potty-mouthed stuffed bear Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) is now married to brassy checkout girl Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) and ready to start a family. The couple approaches an adoption agency, but the application is red flagged because the state of Massachusetts recognises Ted as a piece of property not a person. So his best friend John (Mark Wahlberg) heads to court with idealistic attorney Samantha L Jackson (Amanda Seyfried) to uphold Ted's civil rights. This comedy sequel doesn't reach the heights of the original, but writer-director MacFarlane conjures some moments of magic, including new love interest Seyfried's a cappella rendition of Mean Ol' Moon and a bizarre yet hilarious cameo by Liam Neeson.

Young Frankenstein (1974) (BBC2, 11.00pm)

Dr Frederick Frankenstein (Gene Wilder) has always tried to distance himself for his family's grisly heritage, but when he inherits his grandfather's estate in Transylvania, complete with servants and a book revealing how to reanimate the dead, he can't resist the urge to create a monster (Peter Boyle) of his own. Mel Brooks and Wilder's spoof works as both a loving tribute to James Whale's 1931 shocker Frankenstein - it's shot in gorgeous black and white, and even uses some of the same props - and a hilarious comedy in its own right. The supporting cast is stuffed with scene-stealers, including Marty Feldman, Madeline Kahn, Teri Garr and Gene Hackman, and you may never hear Puttin' on the Ritz in the same way again. It's followed by the 2005 remake of another Wilder-Brooks classic, The Producers.

The Voices (2014) (Film4, 1.25am) Premiere

Shy warehouse worker Jerry (Ryan Reynolds) lives in the sleepy town of Milton. Every week, he visits court-appointed psychiatrist Dr Warren (Jacki Weaver), who scolds him for failing to take his prescribed medications that should silence the same voices that drove his unstable mother to her death. Then an awkward first date with co-worker Fiona (Gemma Arterton) ends in grisly fashion and Jerry hides her corpse at home... The Voices is a bonkers and bloodthirsty black comedy, which initially passes itself off as a quirky portrait of a lonely man hungry for love, replete with lurid fantasy sequences and Busby Berkeley-esque synchronised forklift trucks, but it rapidly transpires that screenwriter Michael R Perry is diving into far darker waters.

Sunday 18/02/18

Jarhead 3: The Siege (2016) *** (Sky Cinema Premiere, 10.35am & 10.20pm) Premiere

Director Sam Mendes' 2005 Gulf War drama, which starred Jake Gyllenhaal as real-life Marine Anthony Swofford, may have seemed like an unlikely franchise-starter, but it's gone on to inspire two sequels, neither of which has much in common with the first movie beyond the title. This time around, the film follows Marine Evan Albright (Charlie Weber), who is disappointed to be given the seemingly boring job of guarding a US embassy in an unspecified Middle East country. But when the embassy comes under attack from militants, I'ts up Albright and his comrades to rescue everyone. If you liked the more thoughtful approach of the original Jarhead, then this gung-ho tale could leave you cold, but judged on its own merits, it's a watchable action thriller.

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015) *** (Channel 4, 2.55pm) Premiere

SpongeBob (voiced by Tom Kenny) flips burgers in a diner run by the irrepressible Eugene Krabs (Clancy Brown), until the secret recipe of the Krabby Patty vanishes into thin air. Everyone blames Krabs' arch-rival Plankton (Doug Lawrence) but SpongeBob knows he is innocent. A greedy pirate called Burger Beard (Antonio Banderas) has stolen the recipe using a magical book, and if SpongeBob wants to restore order, he and his friends must venture onto dry land. The sequel doesn't quite match the pure entertainment of the first film but it comes close, splicing colourful animation and live action to chart the hero's journey beneath and above the waves. However, you may need to be familiar with the TV incarnation to make sense of it all.

In Order of Disappearance (2014) **** (BBC4, 10.00pm) Premiere

A grief-stricken father investigates the circumstances surrounding his son's death in Hans Petter Moland's darkly comical thriller. Community leader Nils (Stellan Skarsgard) is awarded the prestigious prize of Citizen of the Year but his joy is short-lived when news reaches him that his son has died from a heroin overdose. Nils is certain that his boy wouldn't have thrown away his life on drugs and suspects foul play. So he begins to trace his son's final movements and surmises that his boy was the victim of an underground turf war between Serbian drug dealers and a shadowy criminal mastermind nicknamed The Count. Regardless of the threat to his own life, Nils resolves to avenge his son and bring his child's killers to justice.

Our Kind of Traitor (2016) *** (Channel 4, 10.15pm) Premiere

University lecturer Perry Makepeace (Ewan McGregor) and barrister girlfriend Gail (Naomie Harris) are on holiday in Marrakesh, hoping to salvage their relationship. At a bar, they encounter rowdy Russian businessman Dima Krasnov (Stellan Skarsgard), who unexpectedly takes Perry into his confidence and secretly gives the academic a flash drive to deliver to British intelligence with the instruction that it is "a present from the number one money launderer in Moscow". Adapted from John Le Carre's 2010 crime novel, Our Kind of Traitor is a serpentine thriller, which never turns up the heat sufficiently on McGregor and Harris' do-gooders, but still simmers pleasantly.

Monday 19/02/18

The Pledge (2001) **** (Sony Movie Channel, 9.00pm)

Midway through his retirement party, jaded Detective Jerry Black (Jack Nicholson) is called to a murder scene to examine the brutalised body of a young girl. Visiting the home of the child's parents, Jerry foolishly promises to unmask the killer. His inquiries lead to a waitress called Lori (Robin Wright) and her young daughter Chrissy (Pauline Roberts), who may be the killer's next target. Directed by Sean Penn, The Pledge effortlessly shuns the conventions of a routine Hollywood thriller - the film's oppressive atmosphere is choking, underpinned by a serpentine screenplay which refuses to play by any rules. Nicholson is magnificent in the lead role, commanding the screen with a simmering presence.

Still Alice (2014) **** (Film4, 11.00pm) Premiere

Celebrated linguistics professor Alice Howland (Julianne Moore) leads a charmed life. She has a husband John (Alec Baldwin) and three grown-up children, Anna (Kate Bosworth), Tom (Hunter Parrish) and Lydia (Kristen Stewart), who are forging divergent paths through life. When Alice begins to forget simple vocabulary, she seeks guidance from family medic Dr Benjamin (Stephen Kunken), who suspects that she's exhibiting the early symptoms of Alzheimer's - a diagnosis which will have a huge impact on her family. Based on the novel by Lisa Genova, Still Alice is a modern family portrait, which will strike an unsettling chord with anyone who has witnessed a loved one succumb to this cruel disease. Moore delivers a spellbinding, Oscar-winning performance, while Baldwin tugs our heartstrings.

Tuesday 20/02/18

The Misfits (1961) **** (Film4, 3.45pm)

John Huston's 1961 drama, based on a script by Arthur Miller, marks the final screen appearances of two Hollywood legends - Clark Gable and Marilyn Monroe. Thirty-year-old Roslyn Tabor (Monroe) divorces her husband Raymond (Kevin McCarthy). She drowns her sorrows with her friend Isabelle (Thelma Ritter) in a local bar, where the two women are approached by cowboy Gaylord Langland (Gable) and his friend Guido (Eli Wallach). They invite Roslyn and Isabelle to Guido's half-completed ranch in the country. The women accept the invitation and Roslyn eventually moves into the ranch with Gaylord to complete the work on the building. An encounter with Gaylord's friend, rodeo rider Perce Howland (Montgomery Clift), creates friction between the fledgling lovebirds and tests the strength of their relationship.

Snow White & the Huntsman (2012) *** (Film4, 6.25pm)

When evil queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) ascends to the throne, she incarcerates her stepdaughter Snow White (Kristen Stewart) and plans to attain eternal youth by ripping out the princess's beating heart. Thankfully, the plucky heroine escapes, and heads into the aptly named Dark Forest. Ravenna's magic holds no sway in this enclave so she hires a Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) to track down Snow White and deliver the girl to her doom. However, he too falls under the escapee's spell and agrees to help Snow White overthrow Ravenna with the assistance of eight pint-sized former miners (including Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins and Ray Winstone), who bring a welcome dash of humour to this otherwise sombre retelling of the fairytale.

Wednesday 21/02/18

The Iron Lady (2011) *** (Film4, 6.55pm)

From the comfort of her lodgings in London's swanky Belgravia, Baroness Thatcher (Meryl Streep) juggles a busy social diary with the help of assistants and her daughter Carol (Olivia Colman). She hosts dinner parties where she voices her views on the current government, but is disparaging about the state of Westminster since her departure. Comforted by the ghost of her late husband, Denis (Jim Broadbent), Thatcher allows her mind to wander back to the 1984 IRA bombing of the Grand Hotel in Brighton, the Falklands war and her downfall precipitated by a critical speech from Geoffrey Howe (Anthony Head). The Iron Lady is dominated by Streep's Oscar-winning portrayal of Thatcher. She electrifies every frame of Phyllida Lloyd's otherwise somewhat uneven film.

The Equalizer (2014) *** (5STAR, 9.55pm)

Widower Robert McCall (Denzel Washington) has turned his back on his past as a covert government operative and has fashioned an unremarkable life in suburbia. He becomes a regular at the local diner, where he befriends a sassy prostitute called Teri (Chloe Grace Moretz). When she ends up in hospital, battered and bruised at the hands of her controlling Russian pimp Slavi (David Meunier), McCall exacts revenge. Justice seemingly prevails, but unfortunately, Slavi and his goons are a link in a bigger chain... Nostalgic memories of Edward Woodward's refined approach to crime-fighting in the TV version of The Equalizer are blown to smithereens by this big-screen rendering as director Antoine Fuqua seizes every opportunity for wanton carnage.

Thursday 22/02/18

The Secret Life of Bees (2008) *** (Film4, 6.40pm)

Adapted from Sue Monk Kid's acclaimed novel, The Secret Life of Bees is an affecting and well-crafted rites of passage story set in racially divided 1960s South Carolina. Plucky teenager Lily Owens (Dakota Fanning) is one of the few residents of her town to take people as they come, happily treating her nursemaid Rosaleen (Jennifer Hudson) as her equal. When the servant endures a beating at the hands of local bigots and is consigned to a hospital bed, Lily vows to spirit her friend away to a safer place. In doing so, she faces up to the death of her own mother. As chick flicks trumpeting female empowerment go, this is a hugely enjoyable and heartfelt diversion.

Lone Survivor (2013) *** (Film4, 9.00pm)

Based on a true story, Lone Survivor is a rousing tribute to four Navy SEALs portrayed by Mark Wahlberg, Taylor Kitsch, Emile Hirsch and Ben Foster, who are sent on a top-secret mission to find a high-ranking member of the Taliban (Yousuf Azami). When three shepherds, two of whom are boys, stumble upon the SEALs' hiding place, the soldiers must decide whether to shoot the locals or let them go and potentially compromise their safety. It's a heroic and harrowing portrait of bravado in combat and the bonds of brotherhood behind enemy lines. Director Peter Berg delivers an adrenaline-fuelled final 30 minutes that will have you wincing in horror.

Friday 23/02/18

Alien (1979) ***** (Film4, 9.00pm)

Hunter and prey are blasted into deep space in the seminal 1979 sci-fi horror, which pits the crew of an industrial vessel against an ever-growing alien threat, brought onto the ship attached to doomed John Hurt. Director Ridley Scott's stylish, much-imitated assault on the nerves is brilliantly sustained and truly terrifying, while Sigourney Weaver is perfect as one of sci-fi's few true heroines. The special effects are a tour-de-force of gore and HR Giger's jaw-dropping designs, including the infamous dinner table scene in which a foetal beastie bursts from Hurt's bulging chest, sending a million tubs of popcorn flying towards the cinema floor. James Cameron, almost unthinkably, delivered a superior sequel, Aliens, but sadly it was all downhill from there.

While We're Young (2014) **** (BBC2, 11.05pm)

Josh Srebnick (Ben Stiller) is a filmmaker who cannot muster the energy or enthusiasm to complete a documentary that has consumed the past 10 years of his life. He is stuck in a rut with his wife Cornelia (Naomi Watts), who offers support when she isn't producing the pictures of her father, the legendary director Leslie Breitbart (Charles Grodin). By chance, Josh and Cornelia meet twentysomething aspiring filmmaker Jamie (Adam Driver) and his kooky girlfriend Darby (Amanda Seyfried), whose lust for life is infectious - but is there more to the younger couple than meets the eye? While We're Young is an acutely observed comedy drama, which confidently dissects middle-aged malaise. Stiller and Watts are an attractive pairing, while Driver and Seyfried embrace their roles with fervour.