DOMESTIC violence is not always physical abuse but mental torture which can be just as dangerous. Suzanne Murphy spoke to a brave 26-year-old mum who suffered terribly at the hands of her "Jekyll and Hyde" ex.

MAGGIE'S voice shakes as she remembers how her ex told her he would start destroying her belongings for each half hour she was away visiting her baby's grave.

The young mum-of-two was caught up in a cycle of abuse that wore her down so much she suffered five years of torture before fleeing.

Maggie, from Barrow, explained how she fell in love and moved to the Blackpool area and went on to have two children, now aged six and four.

She said the emotional abuse was so subtle she didn't even realise it was happening at first and then became so weak it was hard to fight back.

Her love for him outweighed her need for self preservation and as he ground her down he took more and more control.

The young mum bravely agreed to speak out about her ordeal in the hope that it can help others.

Maggie said: "He was always joking about me and putting me down and I started to believe what he said and that put me on a low. It continued like this until my daughter was born and then the violence started.

"It was all done in a very jokey way when he put me down. It just got worse and worse and worse. He didn't like my friends so I became isolated and our relationship was off and on all the time.

"My confidence just went and I couldn't talk to him. It was horrible. He made me feel like I was thick. He told me he wanted intelligent conversation and said he wished I was capable of that. The thing is when I went home to Barrow I would have intelligent conversations about the news and such but when I returned to him I couldn't do it and I ended up developing a stammer.

"Things weren't bad all the time and we did have some really good times. He would be nice and then horrible, a real Jekyll and Hyde character.

"He started using the children saying I was a terrible mother and he was going to take the children away from me. This was made worse by the fact I lost a baby and the thought of losing my children scared me so much.

"I thought about taking my life but I could never leave my children."

Maggie said that one day they returned home after visiting Barrow and what had been a lovely day turned sour because he was hungry.

She added: "I was breastfeeding my daughter and he just flipped and he picked up my phone and just threw it so it smashed and I had no idea why. I lost all the photographs saved on there of the children. He went and got some food and then punched me so hard I fell backwards.

"I remembered I had a spare phone and charged it up and called the police. He was locked up. The police asked me if I wanted to pursue a prosecution but silly me I said no. He was my kid's father and I didn't want them to know.

"You know that feeling when you love someone so much? I felt I needed him and he told me no one else would ever want me.

"Another time I went to visit my baby's grave and wanted to come home. He said that was fine but then decided he wasn't happy and then said every half an hour I was away he would damage something of mine.

"He always apologised afterwards.

"Towards the end he was just getting worse and worse and I had started to hide money away in different places so I knew I could just go if I needed to. The atmosphere was just getting worse and worse. I spoke to his mum who said she could see the way he was with me.

"I really thought he was going to take my children away."

Maggie said after one particularly bad argument she knew she couldn't take anymore.

She added: "It was the final straw. I rang his mum and step dad and asked them to help me. They came and he turned on them. He told them that if they helped me he would no longer be their son and he would never speak to them again. His mum helped me get sorted and I packed up everything of mine and the children's and we got a train back to Barrow about 9pm. I bought a single ticket because I knew then I was never going back and I had had enough.

"I never went back. I still get nasty letters off him."

She said with her mother and sister's help she has got her life back on track and been totally supportive.

She said a headteacher at her children's school had told her about Women's Community Matters and she got in touch and hasn't looked back since.

Maggie added: "Since going I have gained my confidence back and I'm a lot stronger than I used to be. If I see any signs with a guy at all it's over.

"I want to use my experiences to try and help other people and I now work at Women's Community Matters and at Leonard Cheshire.

"I always wanted to go to uni and I still want to do that. I want to do youth work and help children in bad situations. So they don't end up in bad circumstances when they are older.

"It is hard to get help when you're stuck in a domestic violence situation. It's also not always physical violence but mental abuse. It's about control. It's hard to let go. I know, I was that person but it can be done.

"Find somewhere like Women's Community Matters. It's totally confidential.

"I feel very positive about life now and the children are happy. I'm enjoying being single and having my life back."

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