By Darren McSweeney

Published at 16:00, Monday, 10 September 2012

RESHUFFLE. That’s the word of the week, having had a nice long summer break our politicians have returned to work for the annual job swapping. Who’s in? Who’s out? Who cares?

Darren McSweeney

Public opinion doesn’t really come into it. You would think that 80,000 people “booing” you in front of a worldwide audience gives a pretty strong message that you’re not too good at your job, but small things like that seem to get overlooked.

That’s you Mr Osborne, just in case you’re still grinning, seemingly oblivious to it all.

The new minister for equality having in the past voted against certain equality moves is another example.

Convinced once again that I could do better myself, I’ve decided to come back from the summer break and give it a go by having a reshuffle of my own. So here goes, my September reshuffle.

Minister for Health, Safety and Accidents Everywhere – John Woodcock. The first time I ever met John, he was on crutches – apparently this was due to surgery, but it didn’t seem that long after his car crash on the A590! Then he was “roughed up” on a train and only recently has been back in the wars with a leg and head injury following a dive from his attic. A worthy holder of this newly created post.

Minister for Humour – Sergeant Ian McClymont, Barrow police. Following the “Naked man in Dalton Chinese takeaway” incident last week, we saw comedy gold from the sergeant,who suggested that witnesses to the naked man incident had reported there was “very little to see anyway”. Comedy Gold Ian, I look forward to your ministerial role acceptance speech.

Minister for Train Sets – Tim Farron. Following my confession to having been a train spotter in my younger days, I’m appointing Tim as Minister for all things Chuff-chuff, in a desperate attempt to make those who laughed at me go away and mock him instead.

Not only has he successfully fought to retain services on our line, he’s now attacking his own guys on the West Coast Mainline fiasco and even trying to get some electricity installed along the Furness Line.

Way to go Tim. And yes John W, I know you played a part, but do you think I’m going to let you anywhere near a railway line?

Minister for Battling on Regardless – Louise Allonby. Doesn’t my fellow columnist get some stick? Wow! I got burnt (in an environmentally clean way I’m sure) by the Biomass lobby and harassed by the Assange mob, but this lady gets the comments section of the website exploding every week, yet carries on regardless. Well done You!

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