By Peter Grenville

Last updated at 12:48, Friday, 07 September 2012

BY the time you read this, an epic battle of strategy, cunning, and psychological warfare (not to mention fear, paranoia and possible violence) will have played itself out. I may not have survived.

Peter Grenville

You could actually be reading my self-penned obituary.

Yes, another office move takes place today. I’ve got the day booked off, but so great is the peril of allowing colleagues to move your stuff, I’m actually going in to work. If I don’t, I could well return on Monday to find my desk so close to the photocopier that I’d get a tan, or possibly in the car park.

Whilst some folks are content to sit anywhere, I’m so far in the other camp you need a taxi and packed lunch to get there. I spend a third of my weekday life at work, and whilst I have some control over my home life (I am married, so in no way is it more than partial), my grip on the office plan is tenuous, to say the least.

How do I make sure that my chair gets to the new location without getting mixed up? I’ve spent three years getting it comfy – I can’t go through that trauma again.

I’ve drawn up a carefully prepared Venn diagram, featuring “proximity to radiator”, “access to window” and “in a corner with back to wall” with the hope of hitting the sweet spot at it’s core.

There are other considerations too – will I get a bigger desk? Will it be gently sloping like my current one, or will pens remain on the surface without rolling on to the floor?

What’s the good/bad co-efficient regarding being against a wafer thin wall next to the gents loo, if it gets me a corner-of-the-office seat? What about the distraction of being next to a meeting room, versus the chance of hearing something juicy when they forget the poor sound insulation?

Is closer to the kitchen actually a good thing? Sure, it’s not as far to go to get a coffee, but I’ve previously been exposed to what some colleagues put in the microwave. The bin has been classified as a biohazard too.

If you’re reading this with a fearful expression on your face, and hoping you never meet me, look on the bright side... you don’t have to sit next to me.
Or DO you..?

Have a, movingly, good weekend.

If you can.

First published at 12:38, Friday, 07 September 2012
Published by http://www.nwemail.co.uk