By Peter Grenville

Published at 16:57, Friday, 16 November 2012

THERE are a lot of important things happening in the world right now.

Peter Grenville

But you’re probably fed up hearing about the BBC being in crisis, Police and Crime Commissioner elections, and whose eating what in a jungle.

I think I may be able to help here, by updating you on the status of my back. I knew you’d be thrilled. The numerous messages of support showed how much you were all enthralled by my last column on my spinal woes back in August.

Back(!) then I’d had my first encounter with my physiotherapist and over the ensuing 10 sessions my exercise routine has changed significantly, but stayed within the interesting area best summed up as “Oo-er – that looks a bit rude!”.

I have also spent some time looking like a hedgehog, whilst undergoing acupuncture.

Whilst resembling the cheese-and-pineapple-on-cocktail-sticks party snacks of the 1970s, I was able to contemplate some of the important things in life, such as:

• I thought this wasn’t supposed to hurt?
• When was the last time they decorated in here?
• I wish I hadn’t worn the Homer Simpson boxer shorts.
• I hope I put enough money in the car park machine...
• If the world gets taken over by aliens whilst I’m in here, can I actually reach to extract the needles without blubbing like a baby, or falling off the bench?
• If I drink water afterwards, will I leak like a sprinkler?

The whole back-pain saga has been a bit like being the parent of a small child. I’ve had to make it a bottle (of the hot water variety), be careful not to over-excite it, and put up with it being gripey if I ignore it for too long.

Happily, whilst not entirely fixed, it is much improved, so this week I had my final appointment. Much like a flat battery, I’ve now been discharged.

The exercises, hot water bottle treatment, and generally looking like a bit of a pillock in the privacy of my own home, will continue, as otherwise I’ll return to being the same hunchbacked, grim-faced, pain-addled, miserable git that I was before.

Now, what about the tinnitus, aching hip, toothache, failing eyesight, encroaching baldness, and general sense of doom?

On the bright side, I’ve got enough material to fill a newspaper column for the next few years.

Hello? Where did everybody go? And where did that tumbleweed come from..?

Published by http://www.nwemail.co.uk