Game over - click here to continue

This is it then. We find out tomorrow who the Biggest Bloggerist is, and who gets to write a newspaper column in the North West Evening Mail for the rest of the year. Should I be fortunate enough to win, I have a few things/people than annoy me, so I should be able to keep going OK. Possibly for a couple of decades, if necessary. I get annoyed... [more] (8 comments)

Beautiful - like a brick

I suffer like Samantha Brick does. Hardly a day goes by without someone saying to me “let me get you a cup of tea, you’re gorgeous”, me saying “Ta!” and them then saying “I wasn’t talking to you. And what are you doing in my kitchen anyway?”.

I can’t help being this stunning – you’ve seen the photo. I can wear two... [more] (10 comments)

Poo sticks

Our washing machine smelt of cabbages, so I called United Utilities. Now they’re going to dig up all of Arnside for the rest of the year. Drama queens.

I had begun to wonder if Mrs G was using our ancient washing machine to clean vegetables, but she denied it when questioned. After dismantling the vintage washer, which features a melted... [more] (8 comments)

I'm in your hands. Ew!

By the Almighty Goddess Sonia (Better The Devil You Know) – I’m in the ‘Blog Off’! I am therefore, once and for all, completely in your hands. This is a worry, but I do have a catering-sized bottle of that hand sanitizer stuff, and a box of baby wipes.

It’s surprising how quickly a chap with two hats and snow visible through a... [more] (12 comments)

Beeches and hoes

If you were wondering how you can tell the precise moment when you finally become officially middle aged, I can now reveal all. I just became chairman of our village’s Allotment Association. Please send my pipe and slippers immediately.

After languishing on a waiting list that was even slower that the “Please hold – all our... [more] (14 comments)