Chocolate Orange Fight Anyone?

I now have a vision for electoral reform. Instead of the various systems of “First past the post” and “AV” etc, we should now settle for party leaders slugging it out in a physical fight with Chocolate Oranges.

With his latest weapon of choice.

The idea was born this week - As Cameron performed his weekly karaoke rendition of the Pat Benatar number, “Hit me with your best shot”, he was swiftly surprised by Miliband launching a 5 year old Chocolate Orange firmly between his eyes. Maybe we should set rules though on how old an orange you can throw, what if they harden with age? What if Miliband had nurtured that orange for years, waiting for it to harden enough and be launched back at Cameron with maximum effect? Cameron seemed to deflect it pretty well though, as if he had secretly been expecting it all these years.

But why stop at politics? Could the Chocolate Orange be used to settle other disputes? Could we end, for example, the current fractious relationship between Liverpool and Manchester United (both players and fans) with a 90 minute orange fight? (They also sell white chocolate oranges now, should any currently suspended players wish to join in.)

Global Issues? No longer do we have to worry about inter-continental ballistic threats, Miliband has taught us that things can be much simpler, a good old chocolate fight is what’s important.
Iran? A few well placed chocolate oranges should scupper any threat.
The Euro crisis? Why not abandon the Euro and base the currency on the chocolate orange?
Bankers? Pay them in chocolate?
And on a local level? Is anyone up for a public orange throwing from the gallery at the next council meeting?

But all joking aside – if the country’s leaders and opposition are now squabbling at this level, then maybe it’s time to tap them, unwrap them and then find an alternative way to obtain a little sanity.