Long may our regional accents be preserved

And if you never hear that sort of talk anywhere but on a windswept fell between two gnarled old sheep farmers, well don't blame me. 

Sad to report, research from the University of Cambridge has revealed that regional dialects are dying out - or, rather, kickin' t'bucket. 

So too, apparently, are regional accents. Of course, it's all the fault of television and the hideous Americanisation of our speech patterns. Our native tongue is becoming homogenised, as Brummie, Scouse and West Country accents are watered down into a glottal stop-laden Estuary English. 

Now, 'ang about - I'm not sure I entirely agree with this. Fair enough, the more arcane aspects of dialect may be going west (or, more precisely, south) and we don't hear people talking about muckling, mettling, fettling or any other ing any more; but accents are a different kettle of fish altogether - and I reckon they're still going strong. 

They certainly are in these parts, anyway. The Barrow accent is still, gloriously, uniquely, identifiable. You could take a Barrovian, plonk him in Ulan Bator for decades and that T-less accent would surely survive. 

He, of course, would refer to his new place of domicile as Oolan Ba'er. 

In an ideal world, I would have been born into the upper classes and would have a strangulated-vowel, clipped Received Pronunciation manner of speaking. But I wasn't, so I haven't. I have a northern accent. 

I say bath, not barth. I laff at things, rather than larf, and I am an ant, not an arnt. 

There is nothing worse (linguistically speaking) than someone with a put-on accent. Why people do it is beyond me. 

If you're a born and bred Daltonian, for example, you're going to talk about grass and castles, not grarse and carstles. 

I always smirk when I hear actresses from Coronation Street being interviewed - usually when one of their fellow cast members has died. 

Their (clearly) natural way of speaking which they use while performing is invariably replaced with a put on "luvvie" accent which comes across as entirely false. You're northerners, loves, get over yourselves, I wish to shout at the screen. 

We should celebrate our regional accents (I'll excuse Brummies on this - their accent is horrible), not attempt to hide them with a gobful of plums. 

It's speaking ungrammatically that we should strive to avoid - for regional accents don't confer upon the holder of said accent the excuse to massacre the English language. 

People can drop as many Ts as they like for all I care; but I'm afraid it really grates when they don't use basic English correctly. 

"I've just rang so-and-so" sets my teeth on edge. "I was stood in the kitchen" makes steam come from my ears. "I've sent you an invite" has me declining on principle whatever the "invite" may be for. 

Yes, I'm a paid-up member of the grammar police; and proud to serve the force. I lament on a regular basis the decline in our grammatical use of the English language, but long may our regional accents be preserved. Ta-ra.

LOUISE ALLONBY